Life goes round and round

Cleaning the toilets, picking up toys, laundry, making meals. Life foes round and round without you even realizing it. Who was it that said life is what happens... Oh, I don't remember now but I think it was a Beatle.

Puppy is almost two years old with a mouthful of teeth. Still so so sweet and yummy. At one point in the last few months I had to wonder if boobies feel like babies bottoms, because if they do then I definately understand the fascination. I love puppys heiny! Not in a weird way, in a yummy want to bite it way. It sounds weird but it really isn't. I swear.

I have been working a full commissioned position now for 10 months. I took a draw for 7 months and have been paying it back for the last three months. This will be the first month I make any cash from this venture. At least I can now see what it's like & what it will be like. I know what I need to survive & it will take some getting used to but it's a hard transition. This isn't the strongest market & I am just now learning the ins & outs to supporting myself with commission. I'm not sure it's for me. I'm afraid I will have to put in a great deal of time to make what I would like to make. Right now isn't the time for me to do that with puppy so young. Once he's in school I'll have more time to dedicate to my career but I don't want to lose these very important years. I'll find my place.

Getting older AKA It's all his fault!

Eye sight. Or the loss of said eye sight. I blame puppy. I had my eyes checked when I was pregnant & my eye sight was perfect, in fact one eye was better than perfect. Life was good.

Then I had puppy. And in the past 18 months my eye sight has gone down to the shitter. Yea, I didn't even block it out. My eyesight is in the shitter. Even my baby daddy has noticed. He kindly asked the other day, "Honey, it seems like when you first started wearing glasses you hardly wore them at all, now you seem like you wear them all the time." he was right, I wear them all the time, now. I have them on right now as a matter of fact.

The eye doctor says it has more to do with my age (boo hiss, how dare her!) than with pregnancy, she says that there's nothing to support that pregnancy changes eyesight.

But you know, if you ask enough women you will eventually get enough to support your belief that yes, pregnancy (or birth) messes with eyesight. My mother used to say her eyes got worse after having us brats, and I've even spoke with 20 somethings that say it.

So who cares that I'm 42 and many Americans have eyes that change around this age. It's something about the muscle used to focus. Paghhhh. What do these silly doctors know, anyway?

What a wonderful world.

I just read a few of my past blogs, the one about getting my one year letter to puppy on the blog(hasn't happened btw) and I wrote about puppies 6 teeth, his babbling and getting stronger every day.

What changes have happened in the past 6 months! My boy has 12 teeth, Yup. I counted them. the front 8 then one molar each side & location top & bottom. He talks now, too. It's mostly babble but when he throws his hands out & up and gets that kind of confused look on his face, cocking his head to the side you would swear that you knew exactly what he was concerned about. He also says cool things like Mommy, Daddy, moon and dinosaur. Uh huh, dinosaur. And pidey, too. (that's spidey to ya'll out there). Puppy loves him some Spider man. And Elmo, too. Now what is it about the love at first sight for this boy? I tell you he fell hard for these two at first sight.

He climbs and reaches like a boy twice his age, I fear his figuring out how to turn a door knob, I know what I did when I could turn a door knob. You don't, do you, well I'll tell you.

When I was still in diapers I would awaken before everyone else in the household, get out of my crib, get down the stairs(13 of them, wood - no carpet on these stairs), out the door & around the neighborhood. The story went that my Mom would call around the neighbors. I'd stop at O's house first and get blueberry pancakes, then D's for candy & I'd eventually make it to L's, their cookies were in the bottom drawer in the kitchen. Luckily all the families knew each other, all the fathers worked at the same place (it was a factory village of sorts) so I was safe. I wasn't so safe the time at the beach when Mom woke up early to find me gone, freaked the he$$ out & sent the whole house looking for me. Someone walked out on the patio to see me down at the water's edge, in my bikini with my pail & shovel playing in the sand. I don't think I did it much after that, you can imagine why...

Sooo if puppy is even half as independent as I am then as soon as I stop nursing him, yes, another blog to come, he'll be grown and out the door, leaving me with my broken heart, stopping in every once in a while to keep me strung along, forever loving him and never, ever forgetting those first 13 months, when life was beautiful and grand and all the wonder of life and love and the future lay at my feet. Or more likely in my lap, nestled at my breast.

WTH!!??!!

I bought myself a 15x mini mirror to, you know, pluck my eyebrows & stuffs. You may ask, "E, why would you so far as to buy 15x instead of the standard 10x mirror?" To which I would have to go into a lengthy response about getting older, losing my eye site, blaming it in the little monster...this in & of itself deserves it's own blog...point noted, new blog to follow...

Where was I? Oh yeah, back to the drasted 15x mirror. Let me just tell you that no one, & I mean NO ONE, needs a 15x mirror. There are things we just don't need to see that close up. You really, really don't want to see your skin that close up. Believe me, I've seen it & it's NOT pretty. It looks almost gelatinous that close, the wrinkles, yea, I said it, the wrinkles, have these divies that look like canyons. Canyons in this pinky, gelatinous, squishy looking goop. You can almost see right into your hair follicles. One word for that. Gross! You even almost acquire a deep view into your skin depending on the lighting, just think about that for a while...

See, I thought because of the changes in my eye site, to be blogged about later, that the 15x would eliminate the need to wear my glasses when I pull the tiny hairs out of my uni brow. The glasses are a pain in the a%%, let me tell you. I have to angle the tweezers around the frames & they just make an already difficult job about 150 times more difficult. My eyes still go wacky looking into this God awful mirror, I still need to hold it "right there, no, don't shake, hands, I've got it, damn. Start over."

What the H E double hockey sticks was I thinking? Why didn't I foresee the dangers, why didn't I try the damnable thing out before I bought it?

T, if you're reading this between bouts with cheeks, beware, warn you friends & lovers. Don't make the same mistake that I did!

Wow, I feel all grown up & stuff!

I just bought myself a birthday laptop, with a little help from my man(also known as Baby Daddy). It's almost more fun than my buying that new car I bought last tear. I guess because technically the bank owns it for the next five years. So maybe I'll blog more often & maybe I'll get my One year letter to puppy on the blog & maybe I'll keep up with other blogs more.

Or maybe I'll just keep going at the same pace, chasing puppy around more because he's getting quicker & stronger every day. I had a little talk with him about learning more words so that we can communicate better. I'm going to keep it up with these talks, he'll hear me one day.

Slacka dackin'

It's been 6 months since I blogged. Talk about a slacker! However, it's been an eventful 6 months.

Let's see. I lost my job then started working from home, living off of unemployment & commission. Working at home isn't easy but I will remember this time with big old gobs of drippy love because I was able to spend the last 5 months of my sons first 13 months mostly with him & at his disposal. THIS will never be forgotten and has been the best 5 months of my life, after the first 8 months of my sons life that is. I will never get this first year back and am so fortunate to have been able to spend it the way I have. (Thanks, D.L.)

Puppy has 6 teeth, now. The first two came in December when he was 9 months old, four came in one week this March just after he turned ONE YEAR OLD. (I have to write it like that because, you know, I just can't believe it!). And, yes, those 4 came in in one week. He's been walking since he was 9 months old (see why I've been slacking?). He babbles all the time & one day soon I swear he's going to say supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! Go ahead, say it fast three times!

(Side note here, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious was in the spell check here @ blogger. That makes them super cool!)

I've recently started a new job and am very excited about it. Don't get me wrong, I'm really excited about it! I liked my other job until they laid me off & gave me the opportunity of a lifetime (see above paragraph 1). Ok, I liked my other job then, too, but when this opportunity came along I couldn't pass it up. It really is a great opportunity and I've wanted this opportunity for a while. PLUS they have flexible hours, are open evenings & weekends so I can get my hours in then & still keep some daytime/baby daddy's at work time with the little monster. Which equals less daycare. Hopefully.

Baby Daddy & I want to minimize daycare & we'll be able to do this with my new job. Again, don't get me wrong...Lot's of folks work full time & have their children in daycare full time etc. & that's all good. It's just that BD & I wanted me to be able to be a stay-at-home Mom. But BD can't support us all on his salary so until he can this will have to do.

So I'm starting this new job with a mix of excitement & melancholy. I'm sad to leave my old job, they really are like family after 7 1/2 years & I will miss my coworkers a lot. I'll miss the fun & laughter, the inside jokes & remembrances of times past. I'm a sentimental one & am fiercely loyal so it's always hard for me to switch loyalties.

Then I go to my new place of employment for a day & I get so excited I can't stand it. I want to go into work to work, not just to visit, I want to go in & see what new & exciting things I will learn & be a part of. The new employer is very "up" on technology so I learn something new in that aspect every half hour just about. Everything is linked & accessible from any computer on the network plus on blackberries. They have software that makes time soooo much more efficient & makes it soooo much easier to do the job. Plus they have location, location, location! They are doing so many things I wanted to do at my old employer but never had the opportunity for various reasons. The old employer was spread a little thinner, they didn't just do kitchens so money had to go further.

I'm so excited, but so sad. Change is good but it does bring the emotions up. I'm going to miss my old crew, I hope they don't forget me.

Seven Months

I didn't get a six months letter written to puppy but I have gotten a seven month letter written. Here goes...

Oh Puppy,

Tomorrow will be your seven month birthday and I can't imagine life without you. I am so fortunate to have you in my life, you bring me so much joy!

The past seven months have been such big months for you, Daddy & I. Daddy & I have struggled to learn how to care for a helpless creature from our loins, we've had to abruptly and happily adjust our lives to fold around yours, to protect you and support you. You, my son, have had to adjust to life outside of my womb, you are learning things every day - Every Day! You've had to learn how to eat and sleep, you are learning about heat and cold, how fascinated you are by the wind, watching leaves as they sway in a breeze! Just two nights ago you were crawling, really crawling on your hands and knees. You were so intent to reach Dante, the cat, your tongue was sticking out and the look on your face was focused but so, so pleased that, yes, now you could move!

You are an international traveler already. We had to get you a passport so when you were around two months old we took you to the office. We waited two hours and you were hungry by the time we were next in line. As a result, you are crying in the picture on your passport. Your first passport is good for five years. You will be identified by this two month old, crying picture for five years.

In September we took you to meet your very large Costa Rican family. There was so much love for you there, the leaving was very difficult. We were all very sad to go, even Juanho was triste.

I am so going to miss nursing you when you eat solid foods exclusively. I never imagined I would get such fulfillment from feeding you from my breast. I will cherish these memories forever, you nursing, me holding you close to my body, feeling your little hands scratching and pulling at me.

I look forward to speding every minute I can with you. I am so very excited to watch and support you as you grow into the fine, upstanding and sensitive man I know you will become.

Happy Birthday, Puppy, know that I love you so very much and that I want all the happiness of the world for you.

With all the love you can ever imagine,
Mommy

Stitch & Sew

The handmade burp cloths I wrote about in my previous post have made me want to sew again. I signed up for a course at the local community college which has totally awakened the demon within! I have since made several burp cloths, have fabric for more, made a small quilt from a kit, made a table runner in class & we are making pajama bottoms in class.

I forgot how satisfying making something from scratch can be. Memories of my mother, staying up all night to complete a project run through my mind. I feel more connected to her, my seamstress mother. I am also really enjoying myself, immensely.

9.24.09

Eeek! I got my period again! Fourteen months later, cramps, greasy skin, tears & everything!

Johnny go Ska!

At the festival, not understanding the language,I look around & watch. As I'm checking out the
people & surrounds I see this notice.This drew my attention instantly & while I was nursing
puppy I was able to read it & remember.


Ska! Latin Ska!
There was a time in my life when I would have done a lot just to see this show Just for the novelty of seeing a ska show in another country.

Quite a few times my friends & I would drive
from Atlanta to New Orleans, Athens or Augusta
to see a show, then drive back to see the same show in Atlanta. How we did it, I don't know. The drive to New Orleans was 9 hours, then we'd
watch the show, party all night, pass out & then awaken, drive back to Atlanta to do it all again.

Alas, there wasn't a date on the flyer & it did look a tad old. I didn't get to see the show but it's better this way. A ska show is no place for a 41 year old lactating Mommy.

Rockers

I've always been the one on the outside looking in. It fascinates me to watch people in a crowd.



Recently, on a trip out of the country I was at a celebration - Heaven for a people watcher like me! There were a lot of typical looking people

around but the ones that fascinated me the most were on the fringes. Go figure. I'm sure this doesn't surprise some of my friends.



There were many different groups of young

men, basketball players, motorcycle riders, etc. Then there was the group I'll call "Rockers".



It's so interesting how some styles cross international lines so completely. There's one guy
(on the right in the goofy position) in this photo that I swear lived in Atlanta when I did. He even has the low cut tank top on that I distinctly remember (why do they wear these shirts?). It's hard to tell in the pic, since I was trying to be slick, but the hair is the kicker. I remember in the lat 80's, early 90's seeing Rocker boys with this same exact hair style. The lame ponytail with the shiny, limp hair in front, hanging in his eyes. But really - everything is there - the big black (ill fitting) boots, blue jeans tucked in the boots, the low cut shirt(really, what is up with these shirts, anyway?) & the hair. He is the tops.

His friends have the rocker look, too - but not as severe. Look at the 70's long hair (fro?) stuck under the ballcap. That ballcap barely contains that fro! The jeans & cords, Dickies style work clothes & logo shirts are Rocker all the way.

If I were 18 or 19 again I'd be in Heaven, devil horns all the way! Rock on!

He whose feet haven't touched ground in two weeks

Is not a happy boy.

It's like being on a rollercoaster ride & I'm not behind the controls.

I feel like Dooce!

Just like Dooce, I recently has an air travel celebrity encounter. Moving quickly through Bush Intercontinental Airport in Houston, TX saturday, running between customs & the departure gate for the flight to Baltimore, it happened.

I almost ran right into Russell Simmons, brother to Reverand Run (of Run DMC) and cofounder of DefJam Records.

I stopped square in his face & said, "Hi Russell", he looked at me, raised a finger, a huge grin rising up his cheeks and finally asked me, "Where do I know you from?". LOL! I told him he didn't know me & he replied that he thought it was something like that. I kinda kept going but turned around before I was too far away & said to him, "By the way, great thing with the yoga.".

He stopped & asked me if I practiced & I replied that I did, Iyengar, to which he replied that that was good, we all need good alignment. I moved on.

What a cool cat! I think he would have talked to me more about yoga if I had had the time, he was very laid back & seemed interested in talking about it.

I bet you're wondering how I know he practices yoga, aren't you? Well, I watch Cribs ya'll, and he & Kimora Lee Simmons house was featured on the show (when they were still together) and he spoke of yoga then. Since I'm old enough to remember the beginnings of Rap and grew up in the Northeast I knew who Russell Simmons was.

It's all her fault.

It all started with a diaper clutch, I chose my fabric & had one custom made.

Then I became aware of handmade burp cloths. I looked them up on http://www.etsy.com/ and researched them, all of them. I think I fell in love with the fabrics more than anything else! I have these three in my possession, I don't know if I'll be able to use them as actual burp cloths I love them so much! They have chenille backing and are about 9" X 16". I think I like the "Blast Off!" one the best.

Then I found this one, that matches the diaper clutch in pattern but the colorways are

in the orange, cream & black version vs. the blue, green & brown version.

It's on the way!

I figure if I can get a little practice in then I can make these & sell them on etsy myself. It's been a long time since I used a sewing machine, I'll need quite a bit of practice!

Oh, yeah. It's all her fault! My friend A is the one that turned me on to all this fun stuff, Thanks A!

I better get to puppy, he needs me!

He's going to break my heart!

Yesterday afternoon/evening I took Puppy out to the kiddie pool to hang out & play. After he inhaled some water trying to drink the pool water(which he's surprisingly good at!) I pulled him onto the sheet to dry & roll around. I laid on my back looking up at the trees & clouds with Puppy rollong around chewing on his much loved fingers. Next thing I knew here's puppy bonking up against my face with his too-big head. I look over & he's got that gummy grin all over his face. He then procedes to put his open mouth on me. This is the wonder of the day.

See, my boy has been doing this to his Pals W, F & L. He gets himself over to them & then puts his open mouth on them, their knees, feet, whatever he can get his mouth on. He doesn't lick them, bite them, suck on them...he just "mouths" them. I think this is his attempt to play with them & when he reached out to me to play it just broke my heart! He wanted to play. With ME! So I tickled him & he mouthed me again & I giggled & grabbed at him & we continued on that way for quite a while.

Then he acted like he didn't know who I was or why I was there.

I'm a Wimp!

Before I got pregnant I was concerned with my weight. What 40 year old woman isn't? Your metabolism really does slow down, my mother was right, again.

So I had tried out an exercise DVD from the library, my hubby bought it for me becase it stayed here so long it incurred a fine. NO, I didn't use the DVD every one of those days, even though I'd like to say I did. The DVD is called Pilates for Wimps. So, yes, I am a wimp. But I really like the DVD. For several reasons. The first is that I don't have to go to the gym to do it. I am not, nor will I ever be a "gym person". It's just not my thing & I'm too insecure about my looks & my gym abilities to go there. I'm also inherently lazy & know within my hear that I will waste my money because I won't go to that gym after the shine wears off. This shine usually wears off shortly after that first ball breaking workout. I also like that there aren't a lot of props needed to make this happen. Pilates apparently uses the body as it's prop. I know a tiny bit about Pilates & that has to do with the connection to yoga but I only know a little about this, too. I'm into Yoga but I'll write about that later. This video also has two people exercising. The perfectly fit, young & lovely teacher & another lovely, thicker, more like me person.

I pulled the DVD out & did the workout & I've learned that after having this baby I really am a wimp. I'm going to try to do this DVD three times a week when puppy is napping. (The other days I work so I'll have to take puppy out for walks.) Again, I've found I really like this DVD. It's a relatively simple 30 minute workout, using my own strengths & weight, it's made for wimps like me but the teacher is there doing the exercises so you can see an alternative method.

Writings

(1) The Massage

The smell of tobacco
on her breath,
A chill in the air.

The heat in my bones.

And dream of my
father laughing at
beavers.


(2)

I sit in quiet. The vibrations
of the ceiling fan like the
beating of my heart.

Occasionally the click of the
Zippo, the low burning of
tobacco fills my ears, taking
away the sound of the fan,
my heart.

The swirling to extinction of
the smoke like the fire of
our time together.


(3)

cathartic self spells
cleansing the soul of damage -
open to freedom.


(4)

contrast of silky
cream and dry dark chocolate
erotic to see

Finally!

I finally have those pics from the Babies R Us trip uploaded!
The red sports car walker was sooooo adorable, Baby Daddy (AKA BD) & I almost

went for it at double the cost of the other walkers. The Jeep ain't so

bad either but we've passed on a walker entirely. He has an activity

center that does him well & I think he'll be walking on his own in no time!

They should make a dessert like this!

They should make a dessert called Baby's Feet, kind of like Elephant Ears, you know? They would be so good & I would be about 8000 lbs.

I can't get enough of them!

My pride will get the best of me, yet.

Puppy's 4 month exam & shots were yesterday. My boy is 16 lbs. 9.6 oz. & 26" long. He's doubled his weight in 4 months & grown 6". (here is where the pride gets a little too big) He has the motor skills of a 6 month old. (!?!)

In some ways this isn't a surprise, if you saw the Little Monster in action he doesn't stop, he's like a wiggle worm on meth. It's a wonder sometimes that he hasn't chewed through his fingers or kicked a hold in his carseat!

We get to start solid food, too. Rice Cereal here we come. If it works out we'll be able to start fruits & vegetable's in about a week or two. I should start making some veggies up now since he's an overacheiver in other matters. If I start now I might actually save some money & get some stockpiles in the freezer(if not I'll just be shopping for those adorable little bottles).

My boy is growing up...this is a wonderful realization untill I think about him getting old enough that some other woman starts taking care of him. Oh, this will be so hard, I can try to start preparing, now.