Seven Months

I didn't get a six months letter written to puppy but I have gotten a seven month letter written. Here goes...

Oh Puppy,

Tomorrow will be your seven month birthday and I can't imagine life without you. I am so fortunate to have you in my life, you bring me so much joy!

The past seven months have been such big months for you, Daddy & I. Daddy & I have struggled to learn how to care for a helpless creature from our loins, we've had to abruptly and happily adjust our lives to fold around yours, to protect you and support you. You, my son, have had to adjust to life outside of my womb, you are learning things every day - Every Day! You've had to learn how to eat and sleep, you are learning about heat and cold, how fascinated you are by the wind, watching leaves as they sway in a breeze! Just two nights ago you were crawling, really crawling on your hands and knees. You were so intent to reach Dante, the cat, your tongue was sticking out and the look on your face was focused but so, so pleased that, yes, now you could move!

You are an international traveler already. We had to get you a passport so when you were around two months old we took you to the office. We waited two hours and you were hungry by the time we were next in line. As a result, you are crying in the picture on your passport. Your first passport is good for five years. You will be identified by this two month old, crying picture for five years.

In September we took you to meet your very large Costa Rican family. There was so much love for you there, the leaving was very difficult. We were all very sad to go, even Juanho was triste.

I am so going to miss nursing you when you eat solid foods exclusively. I never imagined I would get such fulfillment from feeding you from my breast. I will cherish these memories forever, you nursing, me holding you close to my body, feeling your little hands scratching and pulling at me.

I look forward to speding every minute I can with you. I am so very excited to watch and support you as you grow into the fine, upstanding and sensitive man I know you will become.

Happy Birthday, Puppy, know that I love you so very much and that I want all the happiness of the world for you.

With all the love you can ever imagine,
Mommy

Stitch & Sew

The handmade burp cloths I wrote about in my previous post have made me want to sew again. I signed up for a course at the local community college which has totally awakened the demon within! I have since made several burp cloths, have fabric for more, made a small quilt from a kit, made a table runner in class & we are making pajama bottoms in class.

I forgot how satisfying making something from scratch can be. Memories of my mother, staying up all night to complete a project run through my mind. I feel more connected to her, my seamstress mother. I am also really enjoying myself, immensely.

9.24.09

Eeek! I got my period again! Fourteen months later, cramps, greasy skin, tears & everything!

Johnny go Ska!

At the festival, not understanding the language,I look around & watch. As I'm checking out the
people & surrounds I see this notice.This drew my attention instantly & while I was nursing
puppy I was able to read it & remember.


Ska! Latin Ska!
There was a time in my life when I would have done a lot just to see this show Just for the novelty of seeing a ska show in another country.

Quite a few times my friends & I would drive
from Atlanta to New Orleans, Athens or Augusta
to see a show, then drive back to see the same show in Atlanta. How we did it, I don't know. The drive to New Orleans was 9 hours, then we'd
watch the show, party all night, pass out & then awaken, drive back to Atlanta to do it all again.

Alas, there wasn't a date on the flyer & it did look a tad old. I didn't get to see the show but it's better this way. A ska show is no place for a 41 year old lactating Mommy.

Rockers

I've always been the one on the outside looking in. It fascinates me to watch people in a crowd.



Recently, on a trip out of the country I was at a celebration - Heaven for a people watcher like me! There were a lot of typical looking people

around but the ones that fascinated me the most were on the fringes. Go figure. I'm sure this doesn't surprise some of my friends.



There were many different groups of young

men, basketball players, motorcycle riders, etc. Then there was the group I'll call "Rockers".



It's so interesting how some styles cross international lines so completely. There's one guy
(on the right in the goofy position) in this photo that I swear lived in Atlanta when I did. He even has the low cut tank top on that I distinctly remember (why do they wear these shirts?). It's hard to tell in the pic, since I was trying to be slick, but the hair is the kicker. I remember in the lat 80's, early 90's seeing Rocker boys with this same exact hair style. The lame ponytail with the shiny, limp hair in front, hanging in his eyes. But really - everything is there - the big black (ill fitting) boots, blue jeans tucked in the boots, the low cut shirt(really, what is up with these shirts, anyway?) & the hair. He is the tops.

His friends have the rocker look, too - but not as severe. Look at the 70's long hair (fro?) stuck under the ballcap. That ballcap barely contains that fro! The jeans & cords, Dickies style work clothes & logo shirts are Rocker all the way.

If I were 18 or 19 again I'd be in Heaven, devil horns all the way! Rock on!

He whose feet haven't touched ground in two weeks

Is not a happy boy.

It's like being on a rollercoaster ride & I'm not behind the controls.

I feel like Dooce!

Just like Dooce, I recently has an air travel celebrity encounter. Moving quickly through Bush Intercontinental Airport in Houston, TX saturday, running between customs & the departure gate for the flight to Baltimore, it happened.

I almost ran right into Russell Simmons, brother to Reverand Run (of Run DMC) and cofounder of DefJam Records.

I stopped square in his face & said, "Hi Russell", he looked at me, raised a finger, a huge grin rising up his cheeks and finally asked me, "Where do I know you from?". LOL! I told him he didn't know me & he replied that he thought it was something like that. I kinda kept going but turned around before I was too far away & said to him, "By the way, great thing with the yoga.".

He stopped & asked me if I practiced & I replied that I did, Iyengar, to which he replied that that was good, we all need good alignment. I moved on.

What a cool cat! I think he would have talked to me more about yoga if I had had the time, he was very laid back & seemed interested in talking about it.

I bet you're wondering how I know he practices yoga, aren't you? Well, I watch Cribs ya'll, and he & Kimora Lee Simmons house was featured on the show (when they were still together) and he spoke of yoga then. Since I'm old enough to remember the beginnings of Rap and grew up in the Northeast I knew who Russell Simmons was.

It's all her fault.

It all started with a diaper clutch, I chose my fabric & had one custom made.

Then I became aware of handmade burp cloths. I looked them up on http://www.etsy.com/ and researched them, all of them. I think I fell in love with the fabrics more than anything else! I have these three in my possession, I don't know if I'll be able to use them as actual burp cloths I love them so much! They have chenille backing and are about 9" X 16". I think I like the "Blast Off!" one the best.

Then I found this one, that matches the diaper clutch in pattern but the colorways are

in the orange, cream & black version vs. the blue, green & brown version.

It's on the way!

I figure if I can get a little practice in then I can make these & sell them on etsy myself. It's been a long time since I used a sewing machine, I'll need quite a bit of practice!

Oh, yeah. It's all her fault! My friend A is the one that turned me on to all this fun stuff, Thanks A!

I better get to puppy, he needs me!

He's going to break my heart!

Yesterday afternoon/evening I took Puppy out to the kiddie pool to hang out & play. After he inhaled some water trying to drink the pool water(which he's surprisingly good at!) I pulled him onto the sheet to dry & roll around. I laid on my back looking up at the trees & clouds with Puppy rollong around chewing on his much loved fingers. Next thing I knew here's puppy bonking up against my face with his too-big head. I look over & he's got that gummy grin all over his face. He then procedes to put his open mouth on me. This is the wonder of the day.

See, my boy has been doing this to his Pals W, F & L. He gets himself over to them & then puts his open mouth on them, their knees, feet, whatever he can get his mouth on. He doesn't lick them, bite them, suck on them...he just "mouths" them. I think this is his attempt to play with them & when he reached out to me to play it just broke my heart! He wanted to play. With ME! So I tickled him & he mouthed me again & I giggled & grabbed at him & we continued on that way for quite a while.

Then he acted like he didn't know who I was or why I was there.

I'm a Wimp!

Before I got pregnant I was concerned with my weight. What 40 year old woman isn't? Your metabolism really does slow down, my mother was right, again.

So I had tried out an exercise DVD from the library, my hubby bought it for me becase it stayed here so long it incurred a fine. NO, I didn't use the DVD every one of those days, even though I'd like to say I did. The DVD is called Pilates for Wimps. So, yes, I am a wimp. But I really like the DVD. For several reasons. The first is that I don't have to go to the gym to do it. I am not, nor will I ever be a "gym person". It's just not my thing & I'm too insecure about my looks & my gym abilities to go there. I'm also inherently lazy & know within my hear that I will waste my money because I won't go to that gym after the shine wears off. This shine usually wears off shortly after that first ball breaking workout. I also like that there aren't a lot of props needed to make this happen. Pilates apparently uses the body as it's prop. I know a tiny bit about Pilates & that has to do with the connection to yoga but I only know a little about this, too. I'm into Yoga but I'll write about that later. This video also has two people exercising. The perfectly fit, young & lovely teacher & another lovely, thicker, more like me person.

I pulled the DVD out & did the workout & I've learned that after having this baby I really am a wimp. I'm going to try to do this DVD three times a week when puppy is napping. (The other days I work so I'll have to take puppy out for walks.) Again, I've found I really like this DVD. It's a relatively simple 30 minute workout, using my own strengths & weight, it's made for wimps like me but the teacher is there doing the exercises so you can see an alternative method.

Writings

(1) The Massage

The smell of tobacco
on her breath,
A chill in the air.

The heat in my bones.

And dream of my
father laughing at
beavers.


(2)

I sit in quiet. The vibrations
of the ceiling fan like the
beating of my heart.

Occasionally the click of the
Zippo, the low burning of
tobacco fills my ears, taking
away the sound of the fan,
my heart.

The swirling to extinction of
the smoke like the fire of
our time together.


(3)

cathartic self spells
cleansing the soul of damage -
open to freedom.


(4)

contrast of silky
cream and dry dark chocolate
erotic to see

Finally!

I finally have those pics from the Babies R Us trip uploaded!
The red sports car walker was sooooo adorable, Baby Daddy (AKA BD) & I almost

went for it at double the cost of the other walkers. The Jeep ain't so

bad either but we've passed on a walker entirely. He has an activity

center that does him well & I think he'll be walking on his own in no time!

They should make a dessert like this!

They should make a dessert called Baby's Feet, kind of like Elephant Ears, you know? They would be so good & I would be about 8000 lbs.

I can't get enough of them!

My pride will get the best of me, yet.

Puppy's 4 month exam & shots were yesterday. My boy is 16 lbs. 9.6 oz. & 26" long. He's doubled his weight in 4 months & grown 6". (here is where the pride gets a little too big) He has the motor skills of a 6 month old. (!?!)

In some ways this isn't a surprise, if you saw the Little Monster in action he doesn't stop, he's like a wiggle worm on meth. It's a wonder sometimes that he hasn't chewed through his fingers or kicked a hold in his carseat!

We get to start solid food, too. Rice Cereal here we come. If it works out we'll be able to start fruits & vegetable's in about a week or two. I should start making some veggies up now since he's an overacheiver in other matters. If I start now I might actually save some money & get some stockpiles in the freezer(if not I'll just be shopping for those adorable little bottles).

My boy is growing up...this is a wonderful realization untill I think about him getting old enough that some other woman starts taking care of him. Oh, this will be so hard, I can try to start preparing, now.

Now I really feel like a bad Mommy.

So when I picked puppy up out of the exersaucer I find that he has also peed out of his diaper. Stupid store brand diapers.

After the night we had you'd think I'd be a little more sensitive, but NOOOOOO. His "I got bad poops to make" crying wasn't enough for me.

OK, my bad.

So I'm eating granola, drinking decaf & cruising the net. Puppy is in the much loved exersaucer making all kinds of noise, I believe it all to be happy noise. He has recently started making new noises such as screeching...yes, real screeching...and squeals. I'm thinking this is all good stuff.

Then I look up at him & he's covered in the old cottage cheese spit up. Yea, sitting there, smiling up at me with chunky lumps all over his chin, on the front of his outfit. I immediately go over & wipe him down, wipe the ML exersaucer and, yea, come back to write this post.

Now who feels like the bad mom?

me

This is not a picture of his package!

I'm getting ready to go to work on July 4th (yea, July 4th...that's another conversation entirely), and my baby daddy calls me in the room & says there's something wrong with this diaper. I go in & immediately giggle (see above).

I did warn him that I was going to post this on my blog.

Some kind of normal

Well, I'm happy to write that I have my puppy back. My mother in law's departure was a sad one. Tears all around but a feeling of normalcy seeping back into my consciousness too.


So puppy is sitting in the high chair, drooling and kicking his feet (his favorite activities) patiently allowing me this opportunity to write this post. Uh oh, the grunting/squealing is starting. Not much time left. I should have known I was pushing it be getting breakfast in, too. My boy is teething so bad it's a wonder he has any fluid left in his tiny body. Where does it all come from? It drips down his chin, hands arms to his elbows. He's been on a three to five bib day for weeks now!

Oh! We went to Babies R Us last weekend & saw the cutest walker. When I get it uploaded from my cell I'll post the pics. He was adorable & the hubby & I were this close to buying the pimped walker!

Time to play!

Oh those troubling thoughts...

My helpless son, whom I love way too much, has kicked me to the curb for my mother in law. He who would smile up at me, he who holds my heart in the palm of his lttle, drool covered hand has taken my heart and squashed it between those little sticky fingers. Like a bug. Squashed.

I can't seem to put him to sleep or comfort him as I have in the past 15 weeks. Doesn't he know we had a bond, doesn't he think about me anymore? He's obviously unaware of how much satisfaction and sense of accomplishment I got out of being able to put him down for the night or he wouldn't have hit me in the gut, in my soft underbelly.

Betrayed.

Yippee!!! Funny how diapers can excite me.

Even before my little puppy was born I was curious about cloth diapers. They seemed so much better for the environment & my pocket, the only deterrant was the price & just how do you get started with them without losing out on too much money? Well, http://www.jilliansdrawers.com/ has a trial package that in the end costs $10.00 to try. They take a $110. deposit & then credit the difference once returned after 21 days. I liked this.

So after anxiously awating the arrival of these diapers they arrived in record time. Thank goodness since I can only handle so much anxiety! I received 2 chinese prefolds, one bumgenius organic, one fuzzibuns pocket & insert, one bumgenius one size pocket with 2 inserts, a thirsties pocket all in one, one thirsties fab fitted, one thirsties cover & a snappi fastener.

First of all I have to say that puppy looks sooo cute in them I don't even want to put clothes over them! They are a bit bulkier than disposable but not too bad. They are soft as hell & I would love some for myself for if my pd ever comes back! Maybe they'll have adult sizes once I become incontinent & can't wipe my ass. Note to self made.

Okay, the chinese prefolds are history, I'm not going to wash these several times before the first use & I'm sure as hell not going to fold & fasten every time I change a diaper. The only use for me would be to use as inserts & I will find used ones for that before washing several times. The organic bumgenius is history,too. I'm just not spending $25 on one diaper, period.

I really like the use of snaps by fuzzibuns better than velcro. The velcro holds but then it catches on everything & gets clogged with lint & while they provide a closure for the wash somethimes they still come loose & cling to other diapers. The fuzzibuns is sized & looks too big on puppy right now, I wish I could have tried a one size to see how they expand with growth. I like the bumgenius pocket one size, even with the velcro(ok so I don't HATE the velcro) & I like how it expands. I like the thirsties pocket all in one as well. I am conflicted about the thirsties fab fitted & cover. On one hand the cover is nice because you could mix & match to outfits etc, on the other hand it's an additional cost & laundry item, a second step all over the place, this is not ideal for my life right now.

I think if I make the investment into cloth diapers I'll probably go with something along the lines of pockets or all in ones, one size. I might not mind a few like the fab fitted with covers but that won't constitute the bulk of my purchase.

A girl I know has some used diapers she wants to sell & I'll keep this in mind when I look at them. I also will be watching http://www.diaperswappers.com/ to see if i can find any good used diapers at a good price. There may be other sites to research used diapers, too. I think the investment will be worth it from my pocketbook & to the environment.

The only downside is that when puppy starts to eat solids & his poops are messier the diapers are supposed to get an additional rinse. I have a 300 ft. well & don't like the idea of it drying up & having to drill another at whatever the cost per inch is right now (I've heard that it could be $6.00 per inch but that may be an antiquated cost.).

Diapers & poop, who would have thought I'd have so much interest.

Let me see that dirty one, is it the right color? The right consistancy? hmmm...

Funny how exhaustion just settles in

and then how you can get used to it.

Well, on another note. I love how our new president isn't afraid to be real & have fun. I know he's not the first to do things like this but it is sooo refreshing for me to see it from a leader I support. Mr. Obama was on the Conan O'Brian show when he was running for the presidency. This week Consie (or Conando, as I prefer) started his run as leader of the Tonight Show, taking over from Jay Leno. Don't ya know they had a clip with the man commenting about this. I love it! I love that he made time to be humorous & light & real.

I'm going to sleep if the little monster let's me...

At work

& starting my time of being back in the store three days a week. I have mixed feelings about it all. On one hand I can not stand being away from my boy. I hate that someone else is sharing his laughs and wiggles. On the other hand it is a nice break from having a 13 lb. bag of potatoes in my arms all the time. My friend says to me "funny how your priorities change, isn't it?". She is so right. Now this career choice is just a job.

He has started to roll over with the right circumstances. He tries & tries on the carpet but I guess it's too flat. I had him in the yard yesterday & he did it a few times. He was naked. I think he liked that! He is cooing & gooing more & more, he'll be speaking back to me soon!

I can't always comprehend this love I feel, the responsibility of it all, or how this wonderful creature is now such a big part of my life.

One big question is how does a sometimes feminist like me raise a man-child to be a gentleman, to be compassionate and supportive to a woman's needs and still be the man he needs to be? hmmm, I guess I just have new issues to dwell on!

Hmmm, now I am a new parent.

I never imagined how wonderful it could be.

I remember freinds that had become parents & having conversations with them that always curled themselves back around to the children (read as if a dirty word). In my more passionate youth I couldn't understand how they could forget about all the very important issues and causes we used to dwell on.

I understand now. Here is my favorite conversation. My son, my love, my everything. Yes, I feel all those seeming clichés like how I would give my life for this child. I would. I would forfeit my career, give my life, step in front of a speeding train or bullet for this little guy.

and my life is soooo much better for it all!